Death and taxes

Reflecting on lives well lived and making the most of my own.

They say nothing is certain in this life but death and taxes.

a film photo Adam took in Monterey <3

I keep thinking about that this week as both my grandmother (mom’s side) and grandfather (dad’s side) are nearing the end of their long, happy, messy, complicated, normal, beautiful lives.

It’s been several days of waiting on phone calls, of the “any day now” talks and the “this could be its.” The anticipation is agonizing and painful for all of us who love them. But it’s also strangely beautiful — the tethering between consciousness and delirium, Heaven and Earth.

My grandmother has been talking to people in the sky, and I can’t help but think it’s my grandfather, John, who’s been waiting for her for 14 years now. What a sweet reunion it will be.

And my grandfather. 94 years of living and raising a family on a quiet farm in Notasulga, Alabama. Opening the University Barbershop on Toomer’s Corner in 1960 and working there for 56 years before hanging his hat to live out 10 more years at home with my grandmother. A simple, quiet man who has spent his life putting family first.

What will we remember about them after they leave us,
What stories will be passed down for years to come,
What legacy will they leave,
What legacy do I want to leave?

Am I appreciating the sunsets enough,
The giggles of my babies,
Deep breaths of fresh air in my lungs,
Hot tears on my cheeks,
My bare feet on the ground,
The sunlight warming my skin?

Lately, I haven’t been. But right now, I am.
And I’m thankful for the beautiful lives lived before us.
Thankful for my grandparents —

For rock school on the front steps and all the scrabble games and crooked haircuts and funny comments at the dinner table.

And I’m thankful for Heaven,
And for all the laughter in our home,
For little feet pitter-pattering down the hallway,
For the light that beams through our kitchen window while I’m cooking dinner, catching the dancing steam just right.
For all the uncertain,
And the certain.

And I still have to do my taxes.