What I Learned from My Daughter’s Vaccine Injury

Part One: What Happened?

I really don’t want to write this. I’ve thought about doing it a million times and haven’t for so many reasons. I think, mostly, it’s just… heavy. It makes me sad. I feel the same dread thinking about it as I did when it happened (see: I 100% need to go to therapy for it). So spending hours writing about it, editing it, sharing it, responding to comments, and answering questions about it feels… awful. But here I am. Why? I don’t really know. Because I don’t want the judgment. I don’t like being different. I don’t like rocking the boat. But every so often, I feel called to share this story. I’ve shared it in bits and pieces, but never in a place that people can go back and reference because of the crazy shadow-banning and repercussions people face for even mentioning “the v word.” Thankfully Substack doesn’t censor in the same way that other platforms do, so I finally have a place for this information to live.

I’m breaking this into multiple parts starting with Part One: What happened? I would tell you the rest of the parts, but honestly, I don’t know them yet. To put it in simple terms, I want to share how this experience changed our lives and what I’ve learned along the way. I will also be sharing all of the resources I’ve used to become more informed. Stats, studies, books, podcasts, etc. that anyone can reference.

I would also like to say before we begin that I am not pro or anti anything. I support every family’s right to choose how they want to care for their health and well-being. Freedom is what I believe in. I want us to be able to make informed decisions, without consequence, about what we inject into our bodies. And I want vaccine makers to be held liable for injuries (They’re not, by the way. They are fully protected).

I have extremely close friends who believe strongly in the power of vaccines. I love them, and they love us. I don’t think vaccines are inherently bad or good. I am not sharing this to scare anyone or start comment wars. You don’t have to agree with what I think; I just ask for kindness. And maybe an open mind. Because the science isn’t settled, and we shouldn’t want it to be. The more studies, the more questions, the more we share our stories, the better off we’ll be. Coming together over this historically polarizing topic is one of the most powerful things we could do to ensure the health and safety of our children and ourselves.

We are real people that this happened to. This isn’t fear-mongering propaganda. This is our story.

When our oldest daughter, Margot, was born in March 2019, we were about as pro-vax and pro-medicine as you could get. I had a very stressful pregnancy with constant monitoring, an IUGR diagnosis, and an emergency induction at 36 weeks. I got all the recommended vaccines while pregnant, and she received the vitamin K, hepatitis B vaccines, and, of COURSE, erythromycin (justttt in case I had gonorrhea or chlamydia which I had already tested negative for and had only had one sexual partner, so there was literally no way—but hey, can’t be too careful, right? sarcasm).

It pains me to admit this, but we were the type of people who believed that parents not vaccinating their children was a form of child abuse. There was a measles outbreak at the time Margot was born (measles has a 99.9% survival rate in the US, by the way, and no not because of the vaccine. Even before the vaccine, the survival rate was 99.9%), and we were outright and openly PISSED at anyone who was too stupid and selfish not to vaccinate their kids for it. Ohhhhh, oh, oh, how the Lord HUMBLED my know-it-all (not-know-it-all), pretentious, mom-shaming ass.

Like the good little mom I was, I took Margot to her first well-baby visit the day she turned 8 weeks old (aka, 4 weeks adjusted because she was born early). At our appointment, we voiced concerns about other people not vaccinating their kids and potentially getting Margot sick. Our doctor told us to stay away from anyone we knew for sure wasn’t vaccinating and then proceeded to give our 8 lb 7 oz daughter all six of the recommended CDC vaccines (DTaP, IPV, Hib, Hepatitis B, PCV, and Rotavirus). She told us to give her some infant Tylenol (which literally inhibits your body from being able to properly detox) and sent us on our merry way.

Margot slept longer that night than she’d ever slept. That absolutely terrifies me to think about now because I personally know moms whose babies never woke up again.

The next afternoon, Margot had her first seizure. And the first one was strange —strange enough that we didn’t exactly know what was going on because it didn’t present as a “typical” seizure — but we knew it was concerning, and we took her to the emergency room. They told us there was no way to know for sure if she had had a seizure, but to keep an eye on her and take videos/bring her back in if it happened again. I’ve never prayed so hard for anything. I wanted my baby to be healthy. And I tried my damnedest to ignore the fact that she had just had her vaccines. After all, vaccine injuries are rare, right? One in a million, so they say.

Just over two weeks later, Adam called to me from the other room, “Addi, I think Margot just had a seizure.” Denial was my knee-jerk reaction. I was like, “Oh yeah, sometimes she just does weird things with her eyes.” But before I knew it, it was happening again. Her eyes rolled up and to the left, one of her arms raised, and her whole body stiffened and shook. I wouldn’t wish that visual on my worst enemy. It is one of the most traumatizing things a mother could ever witness. What was happening to my precious, perfect newborn? I couldn’t believe my eyes.

Then it happened again. And again. And again. And again.