Catfights and Caudalie

Influencers are losing their minds, but at least my face is hydrated.

It’s been a while since I’ve written a classic "so what" newsletter! AKA, where it all started here on Substack. I’ve now grown to 3,000 readers, which just feels so cool and special. Thank you so much for that. It’s humbling and freaky that people want to read this, but I’m soaking it up. In my dream world, I’d leave everything else behind and work solely on Substack. So I’m truly thankful for every subscription bringing me closer to freedom from the chains of Instagram. Lol, that’s so dramatic, but mannnn, it’s all just killing me lately.

I talked to my husband extensively about my current thought process while we were on our California trip recently. I want to quit… for so many reasons. But I’m torn. It is great income, and ultimately, we actually can’t afford for me to quit until my Substack grows more. Also, Instagram is my JOB. Like, the vast majority of people who are in other lines of work aren’t like, Meh, I don’t like this anymore. I’m done. That just isn’t how the world works, especially when I’d be giving up thousands of dollars in income.

But is it worth the toll on my mental health? I’m so addicted to my stupid phone. I can put all the app blockers and time limits on earth on this thing, and it still has an unhealthy grip on me that I hate to admit. My girls are growing up faster than I can blink, and how much of that time is spent staring at my screen? My job is my vice… it would be like if an alcoholic’s job was to have one drink a day. Impossible!

And the other thing is, I follow a lot of moms who have absolutely blown up in the last few years—from a few thousand to hundreds of thousands, even millions, of followers. And recently, I’ve watched all of them individually say they’re struggling. They’re not showing up for their families how they want to, they’re spending too much time creating content and working, they’re tired of the rat race. 'Cause guess what? Once you start growing, you can’t stop creating. You have to pump out more and more and more. There is no guaranteed paycheck. The money is a direct reflection of the work you put in. So you buy a new car and a bigger house and fancy clothes, and suddenly, you MUST keep showing up no matter how burnt out you are. No matter how badly you want to step back and spend time with your family. It’s a dangerous hamster wheel, my friends.

I used to think I wanted that kind of growth and success, and I just don’t anymore. Money is nice, but it can’t buy time. And I can’t get the precious hours I spend looking down at my phone instead of up at my kids for the sake of “making money” back. They’re long gone, whether I like it or not.

So I’m writing this while I sit with my sweet girls on a couch covered in blankets and puke bowls because we’re back in stomach bug land for the millionth time. Taking breaks from typing to endlessly put on and take off River’s shoes and saying things like, “Be careful with the worm!” And quite frankly, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be (except if we could remove the bodily fluids from the situation—I’m good on those for… the rest of my life).

What I’m Reading:

HouseInhabit and Candace Owens got into a very icky, very public fight on social media this past week. I could write a very long and nuanced post going through the details of everything that happened, but I know most of us are in bullet-point seasons of life right now. So I’ve done the dirty work for all of us, and here’s what went down:

• HouseInhabit (HIH) wrote a Substack article criticizing a lot of journalists, including Candace Owens (CO), for “copying her” because she started covering the Blake Lively vs. Justin Baldoni story. And can I just say… of COURSE those two are a part of this. 🙄

• CO catches wind of the article, and she gets on her stories and is like, Excuse me? 1) I’m not copying you. I was actually here first (which is true), and 2) Why are you coming after me? I thought we were friends.

• HIH starts firing back on stories, saying Candace can dish it but can’t take it, etc.
  Details get a little fuzzy here about the timeline of who told who what, and it doesn’t really matter, but it comes out that one of HIH’s writers, emilieknowseverything, was writing a hit piece on CO and ended up quitting over it because HIH was (secretly) letting Olivia Nuzzi (RFK’s sexting mistress, whom HIH openly hated—or at least we thought) edit the article and give her input, under the prerequisite that her involvement would have to be a secret. Their goal: take CO out with a “clean shot.” But ultimately, they couldn’t find enough dirt on her.

• Short background on the Olivia Nuzzi of it all: HIH and Olivia Nuzzi became friends on the RFK campaign until HIH found out about the sexting scandal, and then she made it clear she was done with Olivia, never should’ve trusted her, etc. So needless to say, it was weird for everyone to find out HIH and Olivia are not only friends again, but Olivia is editing her writer’s posts and supposedly borrowing her car to drive around Malibu?

• Jessica claims she scrapped the piece and fired emilieknowseverything over it, but then emilieknowseverything goes to CO and says, Hey, I’m gonna tell you everything—HIH didn’t fire me. I quit because of the toxic work environment and her being buddy-buddy with Olivia Nuzzi. It also comes out that HIH and her longtime best friend of 14 years, Denise (her photographer), had a huge falling out and were no longer friends.

• This is when things just start getting wild and hard to keep up with. Loyal followers of HIH love Denise and didn’t know about their falling out. People want details about what happened, and HIH posts a cryptic (and, in my opinion, the grossest part of all of this) story on Instagram, saying she can’t talk about the falling out with her “friend” because it involves her children and that her friend needs an intervention. She implies there is more to the story but says she won’t share.

• CO then lets us know that HIH sent her PR person some extremely disturbing, private information about Denise and her family—supposedly as a preemptive attack on Denise because HIH was worried about what info Denise might be sharing with CO. She was trying to discredit Denise.

• That night, HIH starts a Substack discussion asking her readers for their honest thoughts about the drama. This is where she lost me. People start telling her the whole thing feels icky and sad. Her responses were hostile—“fuck you,” “you can unfollow,” etc. People started pressing her for details about Denise, which she claimed she’d never share… and then she proceeded to begin sharing some pretty damning details about what went down between then. She also ends up “accidentally” sharing emilieknowseverything’s address.

• The whole thing gets deleted the next morning, and both emilieknowseverything and CO claim HIH was drinking/drunk the night before while posting all of that.

• The next day, HIH writes a Substack saying she is going to lay low because no matter what she says or does, people are going to spin this how they want to. She claims she never wanted to make an enemy out of CO, etc.

• Emilieknowseverything and CO both get on Instagram to call her out. They challenge her to own up to her part of this for the sake of keeping her reputation as a transparent journalist in the political space.

• CO posts an episode on YouTube about everything that went down and makes it her mission to get to the bottom of why HIH has suddenly turned on her. She proposes something much more layered and disturbing than a petty fight between influencers—I could write an entire post on this alone. But long story short, it goes into Israel blackmailing RFK and many others in his camp (possibly including HIH and Nuzzi). Candace has openly questioned our dealings with Israel… you see where this is going. Anyway, you can watch Candace’s whole video here.

• Lastly, as I’m writing this, Jessica sent a very long Substack updating everyone on the situation. How she feels, explaining how and why certain decisions were made, and, for the most part, unapologetically pressing on.

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Wow, that took SO much longer than I thought to write out. I have followed this story so closely—as most of you know, I’ve been following Houseinhabit for many years now… long before she blew up and got into politics. Although I don’t always agree with her, especially lately, I’ve really enjoyed watching her carve out a new and unique space for herself on social media. She’s an amazing storyteller, and up until recently, I really felt like her goal was to pursue and share truth.

Sadly, I feel like this has become a classic tale of someone who is very publicly learning how to deal with newfound fame and money. I’ve let a lot of recent things that bothered me slide for this very reason. HIH has experienced an incomprehensible amount of criticism, hate, and threats as she shifted from an outspoken Democrat to a right-wing conservative. Everyone, from former friends to strangers to celebrities, deeply and openly hate this woman, and she has had no choice but to develop an impenetrable exterior and press on. Can you imagine how that wears on a person?

Then we have the newfound fame and readership, access to the White House and the president, lavish parties at Mar-a-Lago, and once-in-a-lifetime excursions with the RFK campaign. New friendships and new circles with very powerful people. Even the most humble and stable person would have a tough time navigating that. This very public fight feels like the culmination of it all—someone whose reality is so shifted and distorted from what it once was, it’s hard to see clearly. To remember who you once were. Where you started. Why you started. I’m still trying to give grace, even though some of it feels inexcusable.

And going after Candace Owens just… why? It feels like unnecessary mean-girl energy, which is my main issue with her lately overall. Not to mention, that woman is not to be messed with. Yes, she is a lot. I can personally only handle her in small doses. But I do believe she is a truth-seeker with a stable head on her shoulders, and once you poke the bear, you better be ready for her to come after you.

Obviously, there are lots of different conspiracies and assumptions going around about what happened. And I still don’t believe we don’t know the truth yet, but I’ll tell you one thing—Candace Owens won’t quit until she figures it out.

And I love that. If there are any nefarious things going on with HIH, we should know. Independent journalists can lie to us in the exact same way that mainstream media can, and that’s the biggest lesson in all of this. I’ve said it a million times, but social media gives us a false sense of knowing and trusting people we actually don’t know at all. No matter who it is, no matter how much trust they’ve built with their audience, we can’t take ANYONE’S words at face value.

But I do hate cancel culture. I won’t be unfollowing HIH or canceling my subscription to her Substack even though I do think she did some really shitty and questionable things. It’s not about attacking Candace or hanging with Olivia. It mostly has to do with the public smearing of her former best friend. She claims that this situation is nuanced and we don’t actually know what is going on behind the scenes. I completely believe that. If what I’ve read is true about their falling out, I would absolutely end my friendship with Denise. What I disagree with is how she chose to respond publicly (on her giant platform) so negatively about a supposedly private situation with her best friend of fourteen years? Also dragged her kids into it? It was bizarre and reckless behavior.

I saw this on Instagram — recently HIH said, and I quote, “Any ‘friend’ who releases personal text -- even from ex-friends -- is the lowest of the low. I would never release personal texts from private conversations, under any circumstance, even after a falling out, which is why people trust me the way they do."

Well, you said it, not us. We have lost trust. No matter how many excuses, how many white house press passes, or special binders, we won’t forget watching you try and publicly destroy your best friend. It’s not me being mean, it’s just fact.

The sad reality is, human nature is often dark. And our favorite people, our idols, and public figures we put our trust in, end up disappointing us. I don’t feel as warm and trusting as I once did toward HIH, but I’m cautiously sticking around to watch this situation play out for at least a little while longer. Because as both HIH and Candace have both said — the truth always wins.

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What I’m Listening To:

TTPD, and I’ll never stop. My recent faves: The Bolter, My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys, and loml. I fear the only thing that will free me from the grip this album has on me is… her next album. Nearly one year since it came out, and I haven’t even come close to getting tired of it. Thank you, Taylor.

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What I’m Loving:

My friend Abigail bought this Caudalie face mist when we were on a trip together in Arizona, and I immediately bought it when I got home and brought it with me to California. I sprayed it on my face literally all day. Adam was so over it, but I am OBSESSED WITH IT. I gotta be honest… I don’t notice a difference when I use it. I don’t even know what the heck it does except bring me so much freaking joy. And occasionally, a purchase like that is exactly what the soul needs. If you have $20 to spare, treat yourself. Treat a friend. It’s just boujee blessings all around!

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What I’m Learning as a Mom:

Recently, we’ve made some major shifts in the way we discipline the girls. We are always in communication with each other about what is and isn’t working when it comes to raising our family—not just Adam and me, but our girls too (as much as they can for being kids).

Funny enough, Adam and I both separately came to the conclusion that there were things we were doing that simply weren’t working for us anymore. I brought it up to Adam one day, and he was like, "Wow, I’ve been feeling the exact same way." We took a few weeks to talk about what changes we wanted to make, and how we wanted to implement them, and we even bounced ideas and thoughts off of our close friends and family members. We don’t have it all figured out yet, and we’re not in any huge rush because what I’ve learned is that it’s not necessarily about what we’re doing—it’s about Adam and I being on the same page and our girls knowing that without a shadow of a doubt.

I only want to speak for my family, but I believe that presenting ourselves as a united front to our girls is one of the most powerful things we can do as parents. It’s something Adam and I have worked really hard to do from the very start. We have seen time and time again that our girls thrive the most when they have clear boundaries. How you want to enforce them is up to you, but when they know what their limits are—and there is no question about what they can get away with with Mom vs. Dad, no gray area or disagreeing about what is or isn’t allowed in front of them—it makes life easier (and behavior better) for the entire family.

It also means way less anger and frustration as parents. We have very clear rules. Our girls know what they are, and they know that if they break them, there will be consequences regardless of which parent they are with. We’ve also learned it really only takes a few simple rules for things to run smoothly around here:

• Zero tolerance for whining or fit-throwing.

• We don’t put hands on each other.

• We verbally acknowledge each other if we’re being spoken to. And let me just say—if you haven’t put this into practice yet, it will change your life! I realized I was spending a ridiculous amount of mental energy trying to discern whether the girls actually didn’t hear me or if they did hear me and were ignoring me. So if we call their name (or they call ours) or we ask them to do something, they have to verbally acknowledge it. This is also kind of a blanket rule for other rules, if that makes sense. Obviously, listening to Mom and Dad/doing what we ask is expected of them too. But since the rule is that they have to acknowledge us, if we’re asking them to do something, they have to acknowledge it and either do the thing or let us know they heard us and will do it as soon as they can.

• We speak to people respectfully (please, thank you, yes sir, yes ma’am).

• No screen time until 5 p.m. except for special occasions, and they have to clean their playroom (and any toys that made their way out of it) before they turn on the TV.

That’s really it! Between those five rules, almost every situation is covered, and there aren’t many gray areas for the girls or for us.

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Okay, that’s it! A little influencer gossip, a little parenting chat—I know I said literally just a few paragraphs ago that we only know as much as people allow us to know, but it doesn’t get much more me than this newsletter. 😂 I always have and will always continue to keep it 100% real here. Mostly because I want to, but also because I really don’t have the time for anything else.

Love you guys!