Three Cavities, Three Crowns, One Tooth Extraction

And a Lifetime of Mom Guilt

Hello, dear readers, and happy Thursday. It’s officially been two weeks since my last newsletter, which feels like yesterday and forever ago at the same time. Honestly, I don’t even want to write this newsletter because it means I have to tell you about the thing. If you’re ever wondering, “Am I doing okay as a mom?” just think of the story I’m about to tell you, and you will feel 100 times better about yourself. You’re welcome.

I know I don’t actually have to tell you this, but I have a feeling it might 1) save you a lot of guilt and tears, 2) save you roughly $4,000, or 3) both.

When we were in Europe back in May, I noticed a few small cavities in Harper’s mouth that I made a mental note to get taken care of when we got back home. Fast forward to getting home, Adam started his long-distance internship, and before I knew it, it was July, and we were headed to stay at my mom’s for the rest of the summer. I kept an eye on the cavities, brushed and flossed her teeth even more than usual, and even bought the Bliss Energetics remineralizing tooth putty that everyone rants and raves about. One cavity in particular was starting to concern me. It was on her second-to-last molar on the top of her mouth. It seemed that within a very short time, it went from normal-looking cavity vibes to a hole-in-her-tooth vibe. I constantly asked her if it bothered her (the answer was always no) and scheduled the earliest appointment I could once we got home, which was supposed to be this upcoming week on September 11.

BOY, does the Lord love to change my plans… This past Saturday night, she asked me for a piece of gum, and I happily gave her one, and we both went on our merry ways. A few minutes later, she came to me crying and saying her face hurt, and it was right in the spot where that cavity was. My immediate thought was that the gum had irritated the cavity, and I planned to call to see if we could see the dentist even sooner. But again, it was Saturday and Monday was Labor Day, so nobody would be open until Tuesday. She quickly brushed off the face pain, and I hoped that would be the end of it.

LOL. Girllll, it was only the beginning.

Sunday, we were met with on-and-off complaints about her face and cheek hurting. She never really mentioned the tooth, but you know how kids are. When their throat hurts, they say their mouth hurts. When they have the flu, they say their legs hurt. It’s literally just a guessing game. We stayed the night at our friends’ house on Sunday night, and Harper had mentioned her face a few times. I was giving her Motrin as needed and, again, was hoping it didn’t get worse before we called the dentist on Tuesday.

Monday morning, she was very emotional (not normal), very tired, and we noticed a slight swelling in her cheek and redness and inflammation on the gums around her tooth. Hello, infection! You want me to spiral? This is PRIME SPIRAL MATERIAL. An untreated infection developing between my child’s brain and heart on one of the few weekdays a year when every dentist office in America is CLOSED. Sign me up to PERISH! Ta-ta! See ya later! Off to the pearly gates, but I’m gonna get stopped at the entrance to explain how I let my three-year-old develop a gnarly infection from an untreated cavity.

Once I realized this was likely an abscessed tooth, the “cool” that I usually try to keep went right out the window. By the afternoon, we were calling emergency dentists all over Denver, leaving voicemails (not one single “on-call dentist” returned our call, by the way) trying to see if we could come in. Yes, the infection was making me nervous, but at this point, Harper was also in agonizing pain, and it was breaking my heart. If you’ve ever had a toothache, you know. Then imagine an infection above the toothache that starts causing severe pain in your gums, face, and neck. In a matter of less than 36 hours, we went from never having heard a word about this tooth to an inconsolable child. I have never given more Tylenol and Motrin in my life. You think you’re crunchy until your baby is suffering, and then you’re like, “HONEY, DO WE HAVE ANYTHING STRONGER? GO SEE IF WALGREENS HAS MORPHINE!!!”

I knew at “bedtime” that sleep was likely not on the table for us. That prediction…was correct. Poor Harper was so miserable she barely slept a wink. We watched hours upon hours of Bluey, Daniel Tiger, and even Blippi (so you know this was an emergency because that show makes my bones hurt; I hate it so much). Starting at 2 a.m., I was counting down hour by hour until I could call the dentist office at 8:30. When I tell you that felt like an actual lifetime, I’m not lying. 8:27 a.m. – 8:30 a.m…four years, minimum. I felt like I was trying to win concert tickets on the radio or something. I had the number dialed and ready to press “CALL” the moment the clock hit 8:30.

Now, the million-dollar question is, DID I START CRYING ON THE PHONE WITH THE DENTIST?

Do you even know me? DUH I DID. I’m not on Zoloft anymore, babe. The tears were streaming. But the gal was so sweet and told us to bring Harper in at 9:30.

Now, I’m not trying to toot my own horn or anything, but I consider myself to be extremely independent and able to handle almost any situation with myself or my kids on my own, but this situation just hit different. I will fly alone with all three kids across the country, but this dentist appointment. NOPE. I was like, “Adam, can you please skip class today and take Harper to this appointment? I think I’ll actually poop my pants and then explode into a million crybaby pieces if I have to do this.”

He happily obliged, probably because he was so weirded out by what a freak of nature I was being. After they left, I cried and cried. I was so relieved Harper was there and also just felt so damn guilty that I, the one responsible for her oral health, allowed this to happen. And listen…I try not to be too hard on myself in motherhood. I think I’m a good enough mom, and I know things like this do happen. But I’m still gonna be mad at me. Because seriously? Wtf, me?

Unsurprisingly, Harper was the star of the office. She aced her x-rays, didn’t make a peep when they were looking at her teeth, and to top it all off, she’s as cute and quiet and polite as can be. The dentist confirmed that the tooth was infected and immediately prescribed her antibiotics to kick the infection (which would also help with the pain). She said the tooth needed to be pulled, but since Harper had some other work that needed to be done, she wanted to wait until we could do it all at once because the type and amount of work that needs to be done requires Harper to be under general anesthesia.

Yes, you’re reading that correctly. My child’s teeth are so bad that we have to go to a LITERAL HOSPITAL in a few weeks for Harper to get:

- One tooth extracted

- Three crowns

- Three fillings

- And her front teeth shaved in the middle (because there is decay where they touch)

Wanna know how much that would cost without insurance (not including anesthesia or anything hospital-related, just for the dental work)?

$4,000. For baby teeth. A few years and these suckers are gonna be falling out of her head. The tooth fairy sure ain’t leaving money under her pillow. She’s leaving invoices. “Dear Harper, you owe me $406 for this tooth. XO, Tooth Fairy”

Fortunately, we do have insurance (although the office is out-of-network), and we think it should cover at least 50%, but fingers crossed for more. And I’m joking about the money; I don’t even care. I feel lucky that I’m paying $2,000 and not being ARRESTED as I should be for one of my child’s teeth being so rotten they have to pull it. Ugh…I deserve prison, but I won’t get time.

Since the “diagnosis,” I have been hit with random waves of guilt and tears. Although I feel like we do a pretty good job of brushing, I’ve never been overly concerned about oral hygiene simply because ~*they’re just baby teeth*~ I keep trying to make myself feel better by reminding myself that we have treated Margot’s teeth in the exact same way, she has had them for two more years than Harper, and might have *one cavity*. Apparently, genetics do play a part.

It just sucks. And I’m extra sad she has to go under anesthesia to get it fixed. Lesson learned for me and hopefully for you as well. Take your kids to the freakin' dentist, okay?

Don’t be a goof, check on the tooth. 

You’re the boss, make ‘em floss. 

Make them brush, or it’s money you’ll flush.

Anyway, feel free to use the commissionable links I’ll be sharing later in this newsletter, and I’ll deduct whatever I make from Harper’s tooth fairy invoice. 

Alright, glad we kept that intro short and sweet. Let’s get into it!

What I’m Reading

I just read the CUTEST freaking book! It’s called, The Love of My Afterlife, and oh my gosh, guys. I could not put it down! It was so clever and kitschy, and I’m a sucker for a good love story. If you are too, pick this one up. I think there were maybe two “spicy” scenes; I know some people like to avoid those. They’re short and easy to skip right past!

And last night I started The Perfect Couple, by Elin Hilderbrand. I’ve read several of her books and always thoroughly enjoy them. And a new Netflix series is coming out this week based on the book! It looks so good.

What I’m Listening To

Teaching From Rest: A Homeschooler’s Guide to Unshakeable Peace. My sister-in-law recommended this book to me as I started homeschooling the girls this year. I’ve only listened to a few chapters so far, but I was already crying. Remember what I said about the Zoloft?

What I’m Learning As a Mom

Do I really need to get into this again? I feel like my intro was enough. I will say, I was texting my mom and mother-in-law during all the drama, and they were both so encouraging during my “I’m a horrible mother” meltdown. My MIL said a few noteworthy things I wanted to share in case you find yourself in a pickle anytime soon:

“It does suck that you cannot be on top of every cell of every one of your children’s bodies… Perspective, my precious friend and daughter. These things just constantly remind us that we need God and cannot do it without Him…. He says He is with ‘those with young.’ He understands the **** show we are running and He is full of grace for us.”

That is the beautiful and redemptive part of this story. God has Harper. And He loves her more than I do (which feels impossible, but FINE, I believe you, God). And He also has me. I like to pretend that I actually AM on top of every cell of my children’s bodies, but we all know that’s impossible. And as much as I hate it, this is a reminder we all desperately need sometimes.

What I’m Loving

This $25 sweater from Target! I bought the striped one the other day because I needed a cute outfit for a party and I couldn’t get over how soft it was and how classy it looked. I paired it with this black satin skirt and it was the perfect fall outfit! Normally I’m a medium, but I wanted this to be really oversized with the skirt, so I bought an XL. They also have this creamy speckled one that I’ve been thinking about ever since I saw it so…Ima have to go back.

What I’m Thinking

Before the cavity crisis of 2024, I figured the newsletter would mostly be about how homeschooling is going. But that didn’t happen, so I’ll just share a quick update here: I LOVE IT. All the guilt I ever felt about not doing enough with my kids, i.e. – not taking them enough places during the week, too much screen time, etc. completely melted away in that first week. It was packed full of learning and fun, and we are all loving having more structure and rhythm to our week. Here’s what a typical morning looks like for us:

7:00 – 8:00: Wake up, make breakfast, drink coffee, chill, etc. 

8:00 – 8:30: Clean up breakfast, tidy house, girls tidy their room and playroom 

8:30 – 9:30: We all get ready for the day. Change out of pajamas, brush hair, I’ll shower, do my makeup. The girls obviously don’t take an hour, so they just play while I finish up getting ready 

9:30 – We start school. We do our morning menus, followed by our nature study, which takes up the bulk of our school time. River goes down for her first nap at some point during the nature study. After nature study, Harper gets to play, and Margot and I do math and reading

School typically takes us around 2 hours, sometimes a little longer if we get carried away painting or working on a fun craft. When we’re finished, the girls usually go play outside while I prep lunch, and then we have the afternoon free (with the exception of quiet time during River’s second nap).

I’m also blown away already by how quickly they’re learning. I’ll report back in a few weeks to let you know if it’s all still sunshine and rainbows or if I’m losing the little bit of mind I have left.

What Are Y’all Up To?

Friend or Fame Chaser:

“I ran into my sister and I’s neighbors/close friends growing up like a year ago. We did the ‘omg it’s been way too long let’s grab drinks sometime’ but I was pregnant and tired at the time. Flash forward to a year later, I haven’t even thought about it, but recently one of the girls has been popping up on my timeline (is that what we still call it? lol) because she recently started dating a popular Chiefs player. In pictures with Travis Kelce (so basically Taylor Swift, ha). SO my question is, is it weird to reach out to her now? Haha I genuinely do want to reconnect, but I’m afraid there will be a weird undertone of ‘oh you’re famous now let’s hang,’ which I don’t even watch football or am a Swiftie (I’m SORRY). Do you see my dilemma or am I crazy?”

Okay, in these situations, I always err on the side of being overly honest. I feel like you could totally just say, “Hey! Not gonna lie, I just saw your pic on my For You page with *football player* and remembered we talked about getting drinks this time last year. I’ve been debating even reaching out because I don’t want you to think I’m doing this solely because you’re dating so-and-so. I actually don’t care about football or TS, although I can’t wait to hear the story of how that all unfolded! Anywayyy, I was pregnant and tired last year, but I’ve finally caught my breath and I’d still love to catch up! Let me know if you’re free anytime soon!!”

And while we’re on the topic, I did get severallll DMs asking about my thoughts on the Taylor-Travis PR breakup document. I think it’s bogus. I really don’t think something like that would ever exist in plain sight with their real names on some random person’s janky desk. And then to be posted on snapchat? This feels more like a college PR project than anything else. Let’s just stop and think about a few things:

Taylor wrote two songs about Travis on her new album…would she would do that for a PR stunt? I personally don’t think so. Especially considering their relationship only started a few months before the album came out — no one expected her to have songs about Travis on the album. But she did because she’s got it BAD. Have we not all seen the insane, madly in-love mashups she did for her surprise songs on her 87th show and on their supposed anniversary? Do we remember her reaction when Travis surprised her at her concert and she saw him in the crowd while she was performing? I could go on and on about why I think their relationship is real, but I’m not gonna waste my breath because people have already made up their minds, and I don’t think all the proof in the world could change it.

And yes, houseinhabit is hating on them per usual. She has never liked Taylor Swift and says anyone who has believed in this relationship should be embarrassed. Well, Jessica, you’re still my girl, but I’m not embarrassed. Respectfully, hating Taylor means you’re missing out on a lot of the lore that I feel confirms this relationship isn’t fake. You guys know how much I love Jessica, but for the first time ever I felt like she crossed a line from opinionated independent journalist to straight up mean girl vibes. There’s plenty she has said in the past that I disagreed with but her stories about this particular topic were actually mean — both to Taylor (which like in the grand scheme of things, who cares, Taylor will never see it), but also to her demographic of followers that love her and also love Taylor Swift. Which I can guarantee is a very large percentage of people. The “I hate Taylor Swift” trope is so tired, especially for grown women. Can we find something else to collectively hate? Like golf or underwire bras or when pieces of our hair get stuck under our gel nails?

And if they DO break up one day, which *newsflash* sometimes people do, all the people who have said it was a PR stunt will be like, “SEE YOU IDIOTS, IT WAS A PR STUNT.” And I’ll cut them out of my life forever because they’re annoying. Unless they get married and live happily ever after, it’s a lose-lose for anyone who believed in their relationship in the first place. And guess what, if they do break up, there is 100% going to be a PR plan in place because they are two of the most famous people on earth right now. Lastly, as far as I know, nothing about that document confirmed their relationship was ever fake. It was a plan of action to announce their breakup. And I would know…cuz I majored in PR in college…so *tongue out*

Anyway, I’m going to continue believing they are as happy and in love as they look. Because why WOULDN’T I want that for them (or anyone for that matter) whether I like them or not?

Alright, that’s a wrap, girls. I’m out of breath and my fingers are about to fall off after another newsletter-turned-novel under my belt.

I would love to hear from you guys in the comments. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading these <3

Xo, 
Addi

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